my thoughts

So, after rereading my last post, I realized that I am an angry person right now. I don't like that feeling at all. Anger just sits in one spot and eat its way to other areas until, before you know it, you are just bitter and sick all the time.

I don't want that for me. I really don't. I want to be loving and kind and it be really genuine. Not forced or coerced from my spirit. I don't like being sad. I am. I don't like feeling depressed all the time. I do.

I am trying to change. Really.

I started reading a book entitled "Total Forgiveness" by R.T. Kendall.
It is not an easy read. One of my cousins suggested that I read the book. I got the book and now, I am not so sure I am capable of any aspect of the book. The biggest reason is, I have yet to forgive myself for all of the things I have endured. It is sooooo hard. Especially when you feel like everything that has ever happened to you is your fault. I am honestly trying to change my way of thinking so that I can get there. It is just so hard.

Yesterday was a very hard day for me. Very hard. I hope it gets better.

I hope you are having a great day and week.